As you may or may not know (I don't think you do, as I don't think I've mentioned it before) I am horribly, terribly, irrationally afraid of spiders. I hate them. I absolutely detest them. I think they're creepy and gross and unnecessary. I know everyone says, "Oh but they kill mosquitos." No. No, I do not care! I am unable of finding one fuck to give! I would rather have four times the population of mosquitos (well, not in Africa as that would, I assume, quadruple the cases of malaria, as well). And I'm saying that as someone who gets bit by mosquitos like no one's business.
One year, when I was about 12, we took a trip to North Carolina in the summer. I got bit on the inside of my left calf so much that the whole inside of my leg - from ankle to knee - swelled to an inch or so thick. It was gross. But I would rather have that than the existence of spiders.
And I know that arachnophobia is, for the most part, a very common fear. But I often worry that mine is quickly becoming irrational. For example:
1. My heart often skips a beat if I see a hair or fuzz ball on the floor that is vaguely spiderlike.
2. I have nightmares about them at least 2 or 3 times a week, usually more.
3. Any random or strange itch is immediately conveyed to my brain as spiders.
4. Sometimes I randomly see a dark spot on the walls or ceilings and jump, thinking it's a spider.
5. I once saw a spider in my kitchen, walked around it (giving it a five foot radius), ran to find a shoe to smash it with and came back to find it had disappeared. I cried for 10 minutes. I was probably about 12 or 13.
6. I can't look at pictures or any representation of them. When I went to a ceramics shop a few weeks ago there was a ceramic spider. I couldn't go near it.
7. Imagining them in my mind's eye can haunt me for days.
8. I don't even like crabs because the way they move reminds me too much of spiders.
So yeah, I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. I guess it was time to let you all know how much of a baby I am. But I don't want to hide anything here so...now you know.
I wish I could get over it but I don't really see that happening. Hopefully, one day...
Thanks for reading,